Day 95, The Truth Machine

This past week has proven to be yet another new “New Normal” for the Smith household.  The girls were officially done for summer two Fridays ago, and normally the schedule we once had diminishes and we have to readjust to a new summer schedule.  So the same is obviously true for this year too, however, add in Amber’s many appointments and her “at home duties” to the mix and it’s just plain chaos.  Thank God, literally, for grandparents because without the help of them, I would be in the loony bin.  Suffice to say, we made it through the week not too bruised or battered!  (it’s funny how life has a way of doing that…)

In between all the chaos of this past week, I have to say that Super Amber Grace, is walking . . . by herself mind you, all over the place, and quite well.  And, when she’s been sitting and is bored with it, she gets up out of her sitting place and walks around, just because.  Walks to any place she can.  And when we ask her where she’s walking to she just says “just around, I gotta get my PT in”!  Well alrighty then — how can we argue with that?  I mean seriously!!!

At the beginning of last week, Amber and I met with an APRN named Victoria from Dr. Gillan’s Oncology group and then Dr. Martin from Neurosurgery for some routine follow ups.  Everything was good.  One thing that was discussed at both appointments (and then later was confirmed) was Amber’s next MRI, or as I like to call it (and I believe it was Dr. Martin way back in the beginning who called it), “The Truth Machine“,  which is scheduled for Wednesday, July 25th, 2018.  That’s when we learn the truth of what’s happening inside Amber’s brain.

And . . . I am scared out of my mind, but in a numb kind of way.  It’s the kind of physical feeling of combining the emotional feeling of actually being scared but mixed with my mind consciously saying “it is what it is”.  Kind of like that giving up feeling.  Because in truth, it is what it is.  Amber’s outcome is either:  status quo, no regrowth or:  bad, there are more tumors lurking.  Of course I’ve been praying like crazy and saying the Rosary every night asking for the impossible — for Amber to be completely healed and cured of cancer . . . but, what if it was possible?  That’s what Hope is, right?

Please, if you can, say an extra prayer for Amber — especially as we near July 25th.  As I’ve said in the past, I truly and wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer — it’s been made apparent to me, especially over these past 3 months.  And also, please don’t get annoyed with me as we get closer to her MRI date when I keep asking, and asking, and asking,  for you to say an extra prayer for Amber.  My father used to tell me I was really good at nagging him when I was a kid.  My husband loves to tell me that I am the best at nagging him to death to get things done around the house and geez, don’t even get me started on what my kids thing of my nagging!  What can I say — it’s a gift and a curse!

Thank you  🙂