Day 38, Be Not Afraid

The weekends tend to be a bit quieter for Amber and for the hospital in general. A little PT with a fill-in for Ms. Lauren named Ms. Heather, a student nurse from Quinnipiac named Catherine (which was easy to remember since that’s Amber’s best friend’s name) hung out with us, and a lovely field trip outside, was basically the schedule of the day.

One of the reasons I love Saturdays, is because it’s Church day. I have grown to love our little routine of getting out to Mass while Amber is cared for by a family member. This Saturday though, Matt was back home with the kiddos so I asked my parents, a.k.a. Mem and Pep (to their grandchildren), if they would like to come hang out. Pep offered to gladly stay with Amber while Mem and I enjoyed the beautiful weather during our 10 minute walk to Father Charlie’s Church, Holy Trinity Mission Church.

I’ve always enjoyed going to church, but lately it means so much more. It’s the spiritual need to go. My soul just feels so good, so cleansed and refreshed. Under the recent circumstances, there’s been a sort of spiritual shift, a deepening with my relationship with God, Mary, and Jesus. They’ve done so much and I look forward to officially “thanking them” at Mass each week.

There were a few things that stood out to me at Mass this evening:

When I opened up the missilet to where they placed the weekly bulletin, the front page made me ponder a bit. Right there, with a beautiful picture of a field during sunrise (or sunset), was the title: 5th Sunday of Easter, which made me think of Amber’s 5th Sunday in the hospital. After everything Jesus went through to get to his peace, I can only pray that Amber finds her peace as well.

Father Charlie was telling us about an interview with a woman on the news recently. When the reporter asked her what she thought about the convicted killer that went to jail, her response was clever, witty, and meaningful, she said “I am too blessed to be stressed”. For most of us, that is so true. But there are people, take Hartford for instance, that don’t have shelter, or food or clothing and that aren’t necessarily “blessed”. Yes, Matt and I are going through a rough patch with Amber’s health but ultimately, we are blessed. Blessed to have the means to be with Amber during this terrible time; great support systems that help us with the other children, great co-workers that help take the load off Matt, great hospital care to help Amber thrive, great insurance to help offset the cost, great family friends and aquaintences to help pray for Amber — and the list just keeps going. At times life right now feels out of control, but it could be a lot worse. All we have to do is look around and realize, we’re too blessed to be stressed.

During Mass, when saying the prayers, I looked down in the pew in front of me and saw that the woman left her book opened to the song that would be sung in a few minutes. I read the title, and again pondered its words: ‘Be Not Afraid’. A beautiful song that I always look forward to hearing my daughter Brianna sing in her choir at school and our Church. The words struck me as more meaningful this evening though, more like an answer to my growing intrepidation of the next few days’ worth of fears . . . ‘Be Not Afraid‘ — ‘I am with you through it all’ . . .